Oh, Rihanna. She's really wearing some Emilio Pucci pajamas on a red carpet for her Battleship movie premiere. Her face and hair look really pretty, but when you look down, homegirl kind of looks like a mess. I don't know why she wants to cover up her body like that (let me tell you, I don't suffer at the gym to hide in baggy clothes). One of the ladies at work wears sweats every day, and my parents/bosses would never let me fly with that shit. I always ask if I can, mostly to see their reactions, but ultimately, I hold myself to higher standards and can't imagine going out in public wearing sweats or pajamas like this. Putting on actual pants instead of sweats or pajamas really isn't that difficult when it comes down to it (that's what I tell myself in the face of temptation, anyhow). MTV via SR
Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category
Or, beef that people care less about than The-Dream and The Weeknd. That one was so wack that I didn't even blog about it. Not that Diggy Simmons beefing with J. Cole isn't wack, either, because it is. Whateverrrrrr. It's Sunday, and I'm working from my home office (aka my bed) so I ain't got a lot going on. Supposedly, this war of words in rap music was sparked years ago when Diggy was like 2 years old in 2010 when J. Cole released "Purple Rain" with the following lyrics: Good girl huh, father was a preacher sent her off to college thought I got her on a leash though from the outside though, them girls be the squeakiest you get ‘em inside them girls be the freakiest mischievous, downright devious say she want cake I got all the right ingredients running round fronting like a pure white virgin gave a n-gga dome while her father gave a Sermon Amen, let the choir sing she be walking round campus like the quiet thing so n-ggas scared to approach when they admiring man if they know like I know she got that fire thing pour a little OJ with some P-trone I’m feeling ok, but homie she’s gone when remmy Rev called she just ignore him I had her calling on God till the weed and than I hit the door n-gga Cole also stoked the flame with "Grew Up Fast," where he basically just namedrops Diggy, Russell, and Vanessa, but reportedly it was the 2 year old "Purple Rain" that pissed off Diggy. Yawn. Moving along. So, someone mysteriously leaked "What You Say To Me" on April 1st, and, get ready for it, it isn't an April Fool's joke. It's like that awkward moment when someone has a Pomeranian acting all ferocious like it ...
OMG this Aziz Ansari person is hilarious. I sincerely hope everything he says about spending time with Kanye West is factual because, well, that would make it even funnier. I can relate to his verbal interpretation of Kanye's emails. Whenever I read Meek Mills' tweets, I imagine him yelling it at me. I'll go ahead and state the obvious: Aziz is hella funny AND he's wearing a nice suit! #wavy. Spotted on Twitter
Wheelchair Jimmy paying homage to the days when he was Wheelchair Jimmy...OMG. Drake's dancing was always more than slightly amusing to me (see the beginning of the video?) but his Wheelchair Jimmy dance made me laugh so hard. It looks like some weirdo calisthenics move that my trainer would make me do, except I would nix that shit. I'm not trying to look like Drake in the middle of the weight room! Sadly, Drizzy and his Wheelchair Jimmy dance aren't coming to Seattle any time soon, so I'll just have to watch this video over and over. And rock this dance in the club this weekend, of course. Spotted at HHU
It looks like the mystic unicorn of a record--of course I'm talking about the urban legend that is Dr. Dre's Detox record--might be pushed back even further. Dr. Dre has signed on as producer of an upcoming horror flick titled “Thaw.” According to Variety, Dr. Dre and partner Daniel Schnider will produce the horror film for their company, Crucial Films. The movie centers around an ancient evil spirit that’s unleashed as ice thaws in the Yukon. The script for “Thaw” is being written by Vik Weet, while New Line Cinema will handle the distribution of the film. Soooo....Detox anyone? Although, I guess it's sort of a moot point if it's being ghostwritten. I just like making fun of it, and by extension, kind of hope that it never comes out. It would probably suck, and then what would I make fun of? Variety via AllHipHop
And that "In Paris" song is still haunting me. But hey, at least he's in Paris now? Yeezy debuted his DW Kanye West line in Paris last week, with people like Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, Alicia Keys, Swizz Beatz, Cassie, Anna Wintour, Andre Leon Talley, Guiseppe Zanotti, Ricardo Tisci, Azzedine Alaia and one of my least favorite "celebrities" ever, Kim Kardashian in attendance. The main things I noticed were fur and leather, and the leather pants that the models are wearing seem to resemble those that he wore under his muumuu shirt and kilt on the Watch The Throne Tour when he looked like a bag lady. What was that campaign in Zoolander? Derelict? I know y'all know what I'm talking about. So, despite the fact that the last model looks like she's wearing the hind quarters of my orange cat Dante (seriously, slightly uncomfortable I'm feeling) on the whole, I'm in favor of fur. Here's the collaboration shoe that Kanye made with Giuseppe Zanotti that can be yours for a mere $5,800. Don't buy me these and force me to wear them...so I know it's real. AllHipHop.com | SandraRose.com
Yo girl called this one. No one cares anymore, but last week XXL Magazine released their annual Freshmen list, and more colorful than that was Chip the Ripper's little Twitter rant about how he turned his spot down. Allegedly. XXL Editor in Chief Vanessa Satten and Jayson Rodriguez, and possibly some other person, were on the Hot 97 morning show with Cipha Sounds and Peter Rosenberg last week. Vanessa Satten, who still has a job despite the fact that the magazine, under her watch, posted that video of Too Short giving fatherly advice to middle school boys that they should finger bang girls, confirmed what I suspected all along: that Chip never got his invitation. My initial response to Chip not even being asked to do the cover was, "hahahahahahahahaha" (times 20). In fact, I was going to use that as the blog post title, but that wouldn't help me my SEO. Anyway, to be honest, I watched both of these videos because I was curious about how they chose who to be on the cover. Sure, they spent a bulk of their time talking about qualifications or whatnot, but I felt like I wasn't anymore educated on what it takes to be a XXL Freshmen by the end of this interview.
This is nothing that I expected from Jarv Dee, and I don't mean that negatively. I haven't heard anything else he's done besides his work with fellow Moor Gang member Nacho Picasso, and his filthy "Cadillac Spaceships" song with Parker. Since I'm not above telling my dear readers about the hilarious situations I find myself in--quite frankly, I'm one of the funniest people I know--I'll write this following nonfiction story about the time Julie was introduced to Jarv. A few weeks back, maybe months at this point (who knows), I was at Moe Bar on a Wednesday. I was talking to DJ Swervewon, when I jokingly asked him if the Moor Gang was accepting applications. What followed was Swerve calling Jarv over, introducing me with, "This is my homegirl Julie, she wants to know if the Moor Gang is accepting applications?" It was so awkward but funny. Man, I'm so weird sometimes. Also, between the time that this video dropped, and when I actually blogged about it, Jarv Dee released his new song "Klingon," which I love!
To give the lady's question some context, TMZ ran a post about Chris Brown using the pickup line "Can I get your number? I promise I won't beat you," which he adamantly denied for obvious reasons. Anyway, it's not that Trey Songz is angry that she's joking about beating a woman, but it's that he's angry about her clowning on Chris Brown. Trey looks so sexy when he's mad. But, that poor interviewer. And just like that, the gay rumors persist. I still luhhhh you Trey!!!
Among the things I like to write about on my blog, that I'm slacking on--well, to be fair I'm slacking on every facet--is documenting current events in hiphop. Somehow, I missed this story at the time it came out around a month ago, likely because I couldn't care less about French Montana. But, it's just too funny for me to now write about. Evidently, Diddy paid a bunch of money to XXL Magazine to have Frenchie featured on the Freshmen 2012 magazine cover so now by default he's going to be semi relevant (he's the one wearing the bear head, and I'll blog about that shit tomorrow). Money can really buy you anything. Even a bear head cloak. Where's PETA when you really need those assholes?? Anyway, French Montana did a collab mixtape with Juicy J and Project Pat a while back, Cocaine Mafia, that makes him somewhat relevant to my #TrapTuesdays. Shockingly, it was kind of boring, and I felt like every song sounded like the next, which is surprising given how much Julie J loves Juicy J. I met up with him one time and then I met up with him again. There were things that I was used to ’cause I was already moving. I’m like a money train. Kanye doesn’t have a phone. If you need to get in contact with Kanye, you have to email him. You can’t tell me how to do that. I don’t know how to use an email, so I guess me and you is never gonna talk. And I’ma put my career in your hands? He’s definitely talented and I felt like if I went there, we would have ...
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- Download: Drumma Boy’s 4th of July Playlist July 4, 2012
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- Hot video – Juicy J “Won’t Miss Ya” #TrapTuesdays May 15, 2012
- Hot video – Waka Flocka Flame ft. Trey Songz “I Don’t Really Care” #TrapTuesdays May 1, 2012
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